Dear Client,

Thank you so much for choosing to work with me. I’m pleased to hear that you are so ecstatically happy with the final results of our project. I agree that the work ended up being pretty damn good, and I hope that is reflected by the response you get from your upcoming presentation of it.

That said, if we are going to work together again in the future, I think we may need to set some ground rules. I hope I’m not overstepping the bounds of the client-contractor relationship, as I certainly wouldn’t want you to feel like I was taking advantage of the fact that my work rocked, despite your ongoing attempts to sabotage it.

So, before I agree to take on another large project on your behalf, here are a couple of things that will need to change:

1. When I say that I don’t work on a certain day of the week, that means that I don’t work that day. While appreciate that you agreed to include my additional childcare expenses on your invoice, that’s not really the point of my family-friendly work schedule.

2. If your project is so utterly urgent that I must work on my day off, then perhaps you should go ahead and follow up on your end of the project. On the other hand, I’m sure my other client appreciated the extra hours I was able to put in on their project when I was sitting around waiting for you to do what was necessary for me to do my job.

3. When I send you a bullet-point list of questions that absolutely must be answered in order for you to get your document, it would be helpful if you would simply answer them.

• As a sub-point, I’d like to add that you do not score extra points for avoiding the questions for 36 hours and then calling a last-minute, two-hour meeting.
• As a second sub-point, I should probably also mention that if you do call said meeting, you should use it to actually answer the questions on the BULLET-POINT LIST I already sent to you.

4. If we were to somehow end up in that same ridiculous situation again, then please pay attention when I send you the partial document, this time with the same missing pieces highlighted and clearly explained.

5. If you don’t give me the information I need at that point, could you go ahead and do it one of the next five times I send you various versions of the very same highlighted questions? ‘Cause that’d be really neat.

6. When you don’t follow through on any of the above things, I will not add yet ANOTHER unscheduled workday to my week…even though you once again have me add the childcare cost to your invoice.

7. If you say that you’re going to be available all day on the day that the project absolutely has to be done, why don’t you go ahead and respond in a timely manner to the essential questions I send to you? You know, the ones that were originally on the bullet point list and were then highlighted.

I know that I’m good at what I do, and I very much appreciate that you recognize that. However, I cannot conjure statistics and strategies for an industry that is completely foreign to me while also creating a type of document I’ve never created before, all in the course of three days. I can expound on your information. I can make it sound great. I cannot, however, MAKE IT UP. I’m sorry to tell you, but you have to take some responsibility for getting the outcome you want.

All right, Client. I’m feeling a little better now that I know we have everything cleared up for next time. I really do appreciate your money, and the project was quite interesting. With a few little tweaks to our working style, I think we could make a go of things in the future.

Thanks so much for your attention to this matter,

Lorna Doone Brewer

As a freelance writer, do you ever just sit in front of your computer and gloat to no one in particular about how awesome your job is?  I just caught myself doing that as I reviewed what is on my calendar for the next two weeks.  The variety of topics is actually kind of hilarious.

Want a little peek into what my days look like?  Here’s what I’ve got up my sleeve right now:

• Two articles about funerals
• Twenty articles about printers and toner
• Ten articles about tattooing
• A white paper on fundraising
• One article on online event registration
• Rewrite a company sales letter
• Four more lessons for a marketing class
• Four blog posts on green living
• Four blog posts for FWJ
• Two short articles about technology in nonprofits

I’ve often been known to tell people that my job is a lot like getting paid to do homework.  Fortunately for me, I was always one of those nerds who thought researching and writing reports was tons of fun.  Now I’m at a point in my life where people actually give me money to learn stuff.

It can get overwhelming, though.  Sometimes writing as an “expert” when you’re not actually an expert can be pretty challenging.  I plan to get into that a little more in my next post, though, so I’ll skip it for now so as not to be redundant.

And, yes, I know that I should focus on a niche and market myself there and become the best darned funeral article writer ever, but what are you supposed to do when people keep asking you to write about interesting stuff?

That makes me curious about the variety of things other freelance writers work on at one time.  Are any of you willing to share your crazy upcoming schedules with the rest of us?  I’d love to know that I’m not the only one who takes this insane and totally cool approach to freelance writing.

In case it’s not clear, that title is totally sarcastic.  Do you ever notice how clients who really couldn’t write their way out of a paper bag somehow have a whole lot to say about your professional writing?  I usually try to take it in stride, perhaps gently pointing out that I’ve got a decent command on the language and that’s precisely why they hired me.

The worst was when I did some writing for a client’s client.  My client paid me, but her client didn’t pay her, saying “It was garbage and I had to rewrite the whole thing myself!”  I was completely insulted, as you might imagine.  First of all, the job had been so “urgent,” that I was literally working on it in the middle of the night.  That said, the quality was still good, and I absolutely reject the notion that I have ever turned in an assignment that was “garbage.”  Sure, she may not have liked it, but it certainly wasn’t complete rubbish.  If it was, I wouldn’t have submitted it.  (This is where I refrain from calling her off-color names.)

It seems, there are just some clients who will never be satisfied.  It doesn’t matter if you do their urgent projects in the middle of the night and “meet” them on phone conferences for the first time at 11 p.m. the night before their big presentation (that they’ve now hired you to do) is due for submission.  It doesn’t matter that you are a professional who knows how to use punctuation marks and a persuasive tone.  In fact, it doesn’t even matter that you know what they hell you’re doing and they don’t.  They’re just never going to admit that you’ve done better than they could have. Of course, they would have to actually do the work themselves to prove it, and that’s not going to happen, either.

Monty Python knows what I’m talking about:

I’ve mentioned a few times that the need for editors is overwhelming. From misspelled signs to poorly punctuated websites, there are far too many opportunities for those of us who love grammar to shake our heads in dismay. I was downright shocked, however, to discover that even footwear apparently needs a proofreader from time to time.

That’s supposed to be “Texas,” guys.

see more Epic Fails

So, in case you’re living under a rock, or like me, you’ve been attending to a sick baby for days and haven’t poked around the Internet, I’ll let you know that today is Blog Action Day. It’s something that’s been going on for a few years now where thousands of bloggers all write about one specific topic on one specific day in the hopes that some actual change will come about and the world will be all copasetic and stuff.

This year’s topic is Global Warming. No, wait. Scratch that. It’s on Climate Change. Despite having gotten half a dozen emails in the last week reminding me that Blog Action Day was coming up and what I was supposed to write about, I still had to go look it up and am writing my post at the last minute. Oh well. I’m guessing the person sending out those emails has been puked on two less times than I have in the last 24 hours or so.

So, in an effort to be a part of something bigger than myself, as well as to fulfill my contractual obligation to FWJ (just kidding, Deb), I thought it might be nice to take a look at why being a freelance writer is so good for the environment.

1. No daily commute means less fuel consumed, less emissions, and less of me giving the finger to other drivers in traffic.
2. Eating at home means that I consume more organic and local food leading to lest pesticides in the ecosystem, less transportation needs for the food, and less worry over whether I’m going to develop a second set of breasts due to all the added hormones in fast food.
3. Despite the fact that my job is all about creating documents, the only ones that ever actually end up on paper are my to-do lists. Freelancing means no inter-officer memos, no coworkers Xeroxing their butts on the copy machine, and no need to print out the latest “TPS Report.”
4. Having complete control over your working environment means you don’t have to sit by as someone else wastes electricity setting the heat to 75 degrees while opening a window to “get some fresh air.”
5. Barely leaving one’s home makes for a lot less consumerism overall. I don’t find myself tempted to buy things I don’t need only to have them end up in the landfill once I’ve really proven to myself that I was a moron for buying them in the first place.

I’m sure I’ve missed plenty of reasons that we freelancers can be smug about how great our jobs are for the environment, so I invite you to add to the list in the comments section.

Discussing interns and internships are what I consider an “annual” topic. Every year at about this time we talk about interns, or rather, the folks who like to present a job as an internship in order to get away with hiring free labor.  So let’s talk about what internships are, why they are necessary and why they are not free labor.

What is an internship?

An internship is a job one takes, usually working for a business, corporation or the government, in order to gain experience, build up a reputation and learn from the best. The focus is on the job training, rather than monetary compensation. Most interns are in college and work in this capacity in hopes of having a very good job lined up upon graduation.

What are the benefits of working as an intern?

In addition to the aforementioned on the job training, many interns can earn college credits, a small stipend, important business contacts, the promise of employment and references. In short, the ability to advance their careers. Interns don’t work for free. They gain something valuable in return.

Why do so many jobs offer internships, when they’re not offering anything in return?

Because these so-called employers feel that by offering a non-paying job as an internship rather than what it really is – getting something for nothing – they’ll look less like an ass. “Working as an intern” sounds a lot better than “working for free”, doesn’t it?

Questions to ask when applying for an internship

A job churning out web content from home all day every day, for an employer you contact once a week via email, isn’t an internship. Other than turning you off from writing as career, what can it possibly offer in return? Before you accept an internship, ask the following questions:

1. What will I gain from the experience?
2. How will it benefit my career?
3. What kind of on the job training will I receive?
4. Will I receive college credit?
5. Will I receive the promise of a full time, salaried position after I graduate?
6. Will you act as a mentor and offer me guidance?
7. Will you introduce me to others who can act as mentors and offer guidance?
8. Are these clowns just looking to get free labor?

If you browse Craigslist, you’ll find plenty of opportunities for interns, but many of these jobs aren’t. Remember, internships offer something in return. Job experience is more than writing web content. A true internship will attempt to teach you all you need to know about your chosen profession or major.  A true internship works in conjunction with your school so you earn college credits and recognition for your efforts. Before accepting an internship, research the opportunity thorougly. If it sounds like someone trying to get a whole lot of something for a whole lot of nothing, pass.

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New project alert! David Peralty and I have a great new project launching tomorrow. It’s call Kommein and it’s a blog about building community and community management. Kommein, by the way, is an Indo-European term meaning “shared by all”. In other words, community.

As you know, community is very important to me and we wanted to create a place to share ideas and tips with other community minded people.

I hope you stop by and read our posts and offer your own thoughts about community. This is so far a great, fun project. One that I hope keeps us busy for a long time to come.

by Deb Ng

I have to admit…if someone I know stuck a package of Blog Posts Sticky Notes in my stocking I’d be touched. It would mean the people in my life sort of get what it is I do. It might also add a touch of practical whimsy to my stocking. These aren’t your usual post its, they’re not even from the same company.

Blog Posts Sticky Notes are from the Imagineering company. Each sticky looks like blank blog dashboard or comment form. But better. Blog Sticky Notes use advanced pencil to paper technology. No wires are involved. No cable hookup – just you and your favorite writing instrument. I know. The idea of putting pen to paper might seem challenging at first, but it can be quite freeing. Try it once and see what I mean.

I promise, when your favorite blogger wakes up to find a be-ribboned package of Block Posts Sticky Notes under the sparkly pine he or she will marvel at your thoughtfulness and sense of humor. If Mr Ng took the time to find me an actual “blogging” gift, I’d probably bawl like a baby.

A package of these puppies retail for about nine bucks and can be ordered through the Imagineering Company website.

Trust me on this, it’s a small thing that will mean a lot.

Check out some of these other great holiday gift ideas for writers and bloggers:

• Cricket Laptop Stand and Power Squid
• Writer’s Remedy
• Jewelry for Writers and Bloggers
• Coffee 2.0
• Leather Wrap Journal
• External Hard Drives and Flash Drives

by Deb Ng

Growing up, my mom used to make us write thank you notes for everything. Even the lamest, last minute five and dime gift from friends of friends we barely even knew. She said regardless of the gift, it’s always the deed that counts. Someone was thoughtful to us and we should be thoughtful in return. That advice stayed with me and I carried it all through my career and also through my life as a mom. My son, much to his chagrin, has to send thank you notes as well.

Saying Thank You Can Get You Noticed

As many people who I freelanced for over the years can attest, I always send a “thank you for the opportunity” note after a job is done and this has presented me with more work on many occasions. Clients appreciate the professionalism, the customer service and the good manners. Every year around this time I also send thank you notes to the woman who spends two and a half hours getting out my gray every six weeks, the people who care for my lawn and anyone else who has done something nice for me – even if I paid them for their service.

As a Community Manager I also send thank you’s to many people who take the time out of their schedule for an interview with us. I just feel it’s the right thing to do. Recently, after sending him a thank you note, I was rewarded with this “Tweet” from social media whiz Chris Brogan. When someone like Chris takes the time out to make note of your work, you know you’re on the right track.

I also send thank yous to people who interview me for jobs, even if I don’t make the cut. Once, even though I didn’t get the job a client remembered my thoughtfulness and professionalism and hired me for a more lucrative project. I also send thank you’s to folks who interview me for their blogs or podcasts. After all, they’re helping to promote me and what I do. They deserve a thanks too.

Why Say Thanks?

Here, in a nutshell, are the reasons I say thank you on a regular basis:

• Because it’s good manners
• Because people appreciate the appreciation
• Because it gets me noticed
• Because folks remember my name
• Because it feels good
• Because it’s good to give credit when it’s due
• Because a good deed should always be rewarded
• Because it’s good follow up

Be Thankful, Even When You Get Nothing in Return

It feels good to say thank you, even if you’re getting nothing in return. I thank every cashier for taking the time to ring up my order and every server who brings me food. I thank people who open doors or let me in front of them while driving. I don’t always get a “you’re welcome” in return, but that’s not the point. I do it, because it’s how I was raised, and my mom hasn’t been wrong yet.

Do you take time out to thank clients or the people who do a good job? Who do you show your appreciation to, and how?

by Deb Ng

My husband and I have a splurge we feel is justified. We pay local landscapers to mow own lawn. We’re both busy with our careers and our son and don’t want to lose precious down time spending an hour on the lawn tractor each weekend (not that we have one of those.). We recently employed a new landscaper because we felt he offered a good price and he came recommended. I have to admit, his lawn crew does an awesome job, but the customer service sucks.

Every time I call, the landscaper’s wife (who runs the business end) tells me she’ll call back. Sometimes it happens within hours, mostly it happens within days. I called her on Monday asked her to quote on our annual leaf cleanup. We have many very mature trees and our acreage is covered. We generally take care of this ourselves but this year we just don’t want to spare our time with our son. So I called 9:00 Monday morning. As of this morning I’ve yet to receive that return call. It doesn’t matter anyway.

Yesterday I was talking to the school bus driver who is also a neighbor. I told her about my dissatisfaction with the lawn service and she said I was welcome to call her teen who landscapes on the weekend. So I did. He was at my door 45 minutes later with a written quote complete with guarantee. He took a walk around my whole property and came back and asked questions about the border, the dog, and other things. None of the high priced landscapers in this area ever took the time to ask me these questions.

When my neighbor’s son left about 30 minutes later, he had the promise of a job for the weekend and if that goes well he will also be mowing our lawn and tending to periodic yard cleanup and other odd jobs. I was so impressed with this young man and his customer service, I would have hired him even if his price was higher than the landscaper.

What did he teach me about customer service?

• The early bird gets the worm: My landscaper might think I have time to wait for a quote because she’s my regular lawn person. She might also feel that she has such a good business it doesn’t matter to her if I’m kept waiting. It matters to me. I don’t expect immediate call returns, but within the same day is a good idea.
• Be thorough: I always employed landcapers who had a large clientele. No one ever walked my property to discuss things like borders, pets, neighbors pets, the tree that’s falling down out back and more. They showed up, did their work and went home. Clients like to know you care. Take some time and make them feel special
• Respond ASAP: This 19 year old came by right away with his quote. He even had a guarantee. I’m still waiting to receive a call back from my landcaper. Why do I have to call several times before getting an answer when I’m the one paying?
• If you make a good impression you can charge a higher price: As I mentioned above, I would have paid this teen more money than he asked for only because I was so impressed with his customer service and professionalism. You know what? If he does a good job he’s getting a tip.
• If your clients aren’t happy they’ll go elsewhere: I’m so disappointed in my landscaper’s poor customer service I’m considering hiring this teen to mow my lawn each week come spring. In one 30 minute visit he showed himself to be more reliable and professional than my landscaper has in six months.

For writers, writing is only part of our job. Customer service counts. The people who pay us want us to respond to calls and emails in a timely manner. They want us to be good communicators and give a project our all. In this day and age, it’s not enough to just show up for work. If our clients are unhappy they can, and will, take their business elsewhere.