We’ve all heard the advice that if you want to be a good writer, you should also be an avid reader.  I have to admit that I’ve been resting on my laurels for quite some time now.  Since I received my Kindle, however, I’ve poked my head out of my shell and dived into the world of literature once again.  I recently asked you all to offer suggestions for what I should read.

It went something like this: “What should I read, and why? Tell me about your favorite fiction. What classics make the world a better place by their mere existence? Fill me in on industry books I should be reading. What authors will blow my mind? What’s the best nonfiction book I’ve been missing out on for these last several years?”

Many of you jumped on board and offered some great suggestions.  I thought it would make sense to list them all in one place so each of us could take advantage of the advice of our colleagues.  I’ll continue to add to the list if and when more suggestions are made.  I was trying to gather 100, and we have 35, not counting specific authors that were recommended.

So far, I’ve used my electronic book to read Alice Sebold’s The Almost Moon, Gregory McGuire’s Wicked, and Cami Walker’s 29 Gifts.  What should I choose next?  Maybe one of the following from Freelance Writing Job readers.

Laney Landry

Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins (3)

Simon J. James

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller

Closing Time by Joseph Heller

The Liar by Stephen Fry

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

Tomas by James Palumbo

Choke by Chuck Palahnuik

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

Heidi Heidel

The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe by J. Randy Taraborelli

Alice

The Shadow of the Wind by Carolos Ruiz Zafon

The Angel’s Game by Carolos Ruiz Zafon

Better by Atul Gawande

Complications by Atul Gawande

Unconditional Parenting aby Alfie Kohn

Human Croquet by Kate Atkinson

The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood

Wicked by Gregory Maguire

Theresa

The Witching Hour by Anne Rice

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley

This House of Sky by Ivan Doig

English Creek by Ivan Doig

Jodee

Rebecca by Daphne Dumaurier

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory

The Chamber by John Grisham

Kirsten

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Meghna

The Japanese Wife by Kunal Basu

Mike

Treasure Island by Robert Stevenson

Journey to the center of the Earth by Jules Verne

The Bourne Trilogy by Robert Ludlum (3)

The Witching Hour by Anne Rice (second time this one was mentioned)

Authors that were also suggested:

David Sedaris

Matt Taibbi

Tony Hillerman

Jody Picoult

Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

Nora Robers (as J.D. Robb)

Mary Higgins Clark

James Patterson

Janet Evonovich

So, as I spend hours scouring the web for the best stuff to share with you here (yeah, my job is terrible), I often come across some pretty funny people. Today, I’d like to introduce you to a couple of blogs that crack me up.

Now, this doesn’t mean that you have persmission to replace me. If you happen to have some spare time, however, you are allowed to go peek at some of these funny folks.

• Back to San Diego – Kara was the first to bring us the hilarious Thanksgiving email.  As I perused her blog, I had to restrain myself from emailing her and asking her to be my new best friend.  Seriously, Kara, we have so much in common: I love DMB, hate Prop 8, am a total Buffy geek, and am a freelance writer, too!  Call me!  (Too desperate?)
• Screw You! – So, Kathy Kerhli has far bigger cajones than I do.  She gives weekly middle finger awards to deadbeats and exposes the seedy underbelly of freelancing…that is to say, bad clients.
• The Coywriter Underground – I’ll admit that I’m new to this blog, but I like the straighforward way Tom writes.  It makes me grin.
• Writing Frump – How on earth one person can be so snarky and still sound so grandmotherly at the same time is beyond me.  This “anonymous” writer calls out bad clients and those who might be thinking about being bad clients.
• Jackson Pearce - I’ve actually posted a couple of videos created by this “novelist, cat keeper, adventuruer.”  She just got her first novel published, and it’s kind of fun to follow her journey as she mails out announcements and attends her first book signings.  She also has some fairly sound advice to offer, as well as those videos.
• Freelance Freedom – Part of Freelance Switch, this blog features the comics of N.C. Winters.  All about the freelance life, some of them hit a little close to home!

Do you think you have or know of a super-funny writing blog?  I would love to hear about it and add it to the list.  Leave me a comment!

Lorna last week:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Things not to do with a sick toddler:

1. Drive 539 miles in one day – Spokane to Billings
2. Expose tons of other little kids to her illness – Sorry, cousins and cousins’ friends.
3. Let her put her fingers in your mouth – Now I’m sick, too.
4. Feed her dairy products – Hello, mucous.
5. Attend an hour+ -long church service – She sure looked cute in her matching hat and dress, though.
6. Expect her to spend more than five consecutive minutes without being held – My arms ache!
7. Drive another 535 miles – Billings to Helena, Helena to Spokane

I admitted recently to taking myself a bit too seriously.  I will go so far as to say that I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to grammar, spelling, and punctuation.  (Simply typing that sentence has ensured that karma will insist on no less than three mistakes in this post, by the way.)

There’s no doubt that even the best writer can benefit from the expertise of a good editor.  Even Salman Rusdie has to heed the red pen, after all.  (And if you think his editor is tough…) 

Why is it then, that those who really, really need this expert guidance are the least likely to seek it?  I’m talking about graffiti artists like the one who professed his religious devotion in the most obvious way, by mispelling it on a mailbox in downtown Seattle:

(Yes, I felt moved to take a picture of it.)

But, those who really should pay attention are the ones who are going to wear their grammatical error for the rest of their lives.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Horrible Tattoos.* 

*Just to be clear, I don’t actually give you horrible tattoos.  I don’t even give you good tattoos.  I get queasy at the sight of blood.

My “secret” to running a successful business while still having ample time to spend with my toddler is two-fold. First of all, I don’t try that hard.

OK, that’s sort of oversimplifying it; what I mean to say is that I don’t work full-time hours. I spend approximately 12 hours a week at my office, and I usually put in more hours at home, depending on how much needs to be done.

My real secret weapon, though, is my Mother’s Helper. Virginia has been with us for just less than a year, and I truly believe that if the house was on fire, Dot would save her and leave Mama and Papa to their own devices. She looooves Virginia. As you can imagine, this is great for me.

Unless, of course, Virginia wants a vacation.

This week, Virginia is off on some fancy trip with her stupid husband and their stupid dog, and I am home with one very sick baby. I planned ahead, however, and have very little work on my schedule for the week. (See, told you I don’t try that hard.)

So, day one of Operation Stay at Home Mom is over, and everyone seems to have survived. What would you do if you just weren’t supposed to be working for a week? I…um…worked. But not much. Why do I feel extremely defensive all of a sudden?

Here’s the Reader’s Digest version of my first day at home.

• Wake up and spend ten minutes washing gunk off the baby’s eyelashes so she can actually open her eyes (disgusting!)
• Discover that I have no Internet connection
• Freak out about current lack of Gmail/Twitter/Facebook/LiveJournal/Outlook
• Swallow my panic and call my husband, who happens to be an IT guy
• Run anti-virus software
• Attempt to feed baby who has no appetite
• Get ansty waiting for anti-virus software to scan
• Take the baby for a walk to distract us both
• Return home to find the Internet is up and running!
• Try to feed the baby again, while obsessively checking to see if Big Client has responded to yesterday’s email
• Read Hop on Pop five-hundred and seventy-nine times
• Clean the kitchen, clean the living room, clean the bathroom
• Get baby down for a nap
• Call writing team members to make last-minute changes to this week’s articles
• Finally get email from Big Client – it’s not good news
• Get call from another client. Despite telling her I’m not working this week, somehow get talked into staying up after the baby goes to sleep tonight to write a bio
• Pry the baby’s eyes open again (sooo gross!)
• Play with toys, dance in the living room, try to protect cat and baby from one another
• Husband is home!
• Eat dinner, try to get the baby to eat
• Baby and Papa take a bath and Mama sneaks off to work on a project for Big Client
• Rock baby to sleep and get back to work
• Procrastinate by blogging about my day

Of course, this depiction is less than accurate because I didn’t include the 750 nose wipes or the comparable number of times that I checked Facebook. I wonder what my second “day off” holds in store!

OK, so the video itself isn’t acutally funny, but it does introduce you to a pretty interesting application for writers. The idea is that it encourages you to keep writing by offering varying levels of negative consequences if you don’t. The kamikazee setting is pretty intense!

If any of you decide to use the application, I definitely want to hear what you think. Unless you just have that peanut butter and jelly song stuck in your head. In that case, you are kindly asked to keep it to yourself.

I found this today while I was browsing YouTube. It was created by the folks behind Daily Writing Jobs, and I find it very useful, especially for beginners. The “Write for Us” tip worked for me several years ago. Hope it works for you too!

Discussing interns and internships are what I consider an “annual” topic. Every year at about this time we talk about interns, or rather, the folks who like to present a job as an internship in order to get away with hiring free labor.  So let’s talk about what internships are, why they are necessary and why they are not free labor.

What is an internship?

An internship is a job one takes, usually working for a business, corporation or the government, in order to gain experience, build up a reputation and learn from the best. The focus is on the job training, rather than monetary compensation. Most interns are in college and work in this capacity in hopes of having a very good job lined up upon graduation.

What are the benefits of working as an intern?

In addition to the aforementioned on the job training, many interns can earn college credits, a small stipend, important business contacts, the promise of employment and references. In short, the ability to advance their careers. Interns don’t work for free. They gain something valuable in return.

Why do so many jobs offer internships, when they’re not offering anything in return?

Because these so-called employers feel that by offering a non-paying job as an internship rather than what it really is – getting something for nothing – they’ll look less like an ass. “Working as an intern” sounds a lot better than “working for free”, doesn’t it?

Questions to ask when applying for an internship

A job churning out web content from home all day every day, for an employer you contact once a week via email, isn’t an internship. Other than turning you off from writing as career, what can it possibly offer in return? Before you accept an internship, ask the following questions:

1. What will I gain from the experience?
2. How will it benefit my career?
3. What kind of on the job training will I receive?
4. Will I receive college credit?
5. Will I receive the promise of a full time, salaried position after I graduate?
6. Will you act as a mentor and offer me guidance?
7. Will you introduce me to others who can act as mentors and offer guidance?
8. Are these clowns just looking to get free labor?

If you browse Craigslist, you’ll find plenty of opportunities for interns, but many of these jobs aren’t. Remember, internships offer something in return. Job experience is more than writing web content. A true internship will attempt to teach you all you need to know about your chosen profession or major.  A true internship works in conjunction with your school so you earn college credits and recognition for your efforts. Before accepting an internship, research the opportunity thorougly. If it sounds like someone trying to get a whole lot of something for a whole lot of nothing, pass.

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I started freelance writing and blogging (though we didn’t call it that back then) in 2000. Which means, I ‘ve been doing this for close to a decade. In the time I’ve been online, I’ve seen it all. I’ve hired writers, worked for people who hired writers, and even critiqued resumes and cover letters for the folks who want to be hired by the people who hire writers. In short, I’ve seen it all. Now, I don’t claim to be an expert because I think the freelance writing world is currently evolving, but I’m confident I can compare awesome freelance writing job applications to some real clunkers. With that in mind I give you:

Top 10 Freelance Writing Job Application Mistakes

1. Not Proofreading: It should go without saying that any one seeking any job opportunity should proofread cover letters, resumes and writing samples not just once, but twice, thrice and however many more times to ensure there are no errors. If you need a second pair of eyes to go over your paperwork, ask a friend to help out.

2. Not Enough Information: I can’t tell you how many times I received cover letters saying only “My resume is attached”, “My experience speaks for itself”, and even “Google Me”. Don’t be that guy. You don’t want to rehash your resume but you don’t want your potential client to wonder who you are and why he should hire you either. Your cover letter, which is really your job application, should briefly touch on your career as well as a paragraph telling the employer why you’re the best candidate for the job.

3. Too Much Information: Even though you may be going for the sympathy vote, your client doesn’t need to know that you’re a work at home mom with eight kids or that you were just laid off from your job. The information on your introductory letter should be relevant to the job only. Your home situation could work against you. For instance, if you are a work at home mom with eight kids, your employer might feel your family will be too distracting for you to complete the task to the best of your ability.

4. Poor Writing Samples: Like your resume and cover letter, your writing samples have to be well written and proofread to the nth degree, but that’s not enough. Anyone can submit a typo free article.Your writing samples have to be the best of the bunch. They have to convince the employer you’re the best person for the job. They should be relevant to the subject matter and engaging. There should be no doubt in the client’s mind that you are the person for the job.

5. Unqualified for the Opportunity: Don’t apply for a job as a pet expert if you know nothing about animals. Don’t apply for a job as a sports writer if you hate sports. Don’t apply for a job as a grant writer if you have no clue as to how to go about getting one. You’re wasting your time and your client’s. If you have no passion for a topic it shows. Your client asked for experts for a reason.

6. Not Following Directions: Did the employer ask specific questions? It means she wants to know the answers to those questions before hiring you. Did the employer ask for a rate quote? It may mean she has no idea of the going rate and would like some guidance. Clients are frustrated when they put specific information in a job ad and receive application where it’s obvious the freelancer didn’t read the ad at all. If you can’t follow the instructions in a job ad, how can you be trusted to follow the client’s wishes for a project?

7. Not Doing Research: If a job ad mentions the name of the business or website, do some research. Learn about your client. Knowing about who he is or what he does will help you to tailor your details to suit his needs. Perhaps he just places an ad looking for a “green writer”. That’s pretty broad. By reading his website you might learn he sells environmentally safe products and wishes to stock his website with articles relating to green cleaning. Now you can submit writing samples befitting the website’s content or message. If the ad gives you enough to go on, always take the time to learn about your potential client.

8. Cookie Cutter Cover Letter: Employers hate receiving cookie cutter cover letters. They want to see your personality. They want to learn about you and why you’re the right fit for the job. You can have a standard template, sure, but no two job ads are the same. With that in mind it should to without saying that you should tailor your application to meet each individual client’s needs.

9. Lack of Follow Up: So you sent in your details, now what? You wait. And then…what happens? What happens if your email went into the spam filter? What happens if your details were saved but then fell between the cracks? There is nothing wrong with following up once. Just a simple note letting them know you’re still interested in the opportunity if its still available, and if not you would appreciate it if they could keep your name on file. Sometimes following up shows a client you’re ambitious and really into the gig. It could put you at the top of the list.

10. Lack of Confidence – The words “I think…” have no business being on a cover letter. You think you’re the right person for the job, or you feel or believe you’re the right person for the job? There’s a big difference, there. Make no mistake about your ability and your potential client won’t either!

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It was a dark and stormy night. She was home alone, but she liked it that way. She found the commotion outside rather comforting and snuggled up on the couch by the window to watch the thunder and lightning rage outside her window. The flashes of lighting always revealed something new: a passing car, a deer… and…why, that’s odd…is that a…

Your turn… I’d like to invite the members of the FWJ community to continue adding a paragraph in the comments until our story is done.

Tag…you’re it!