by Carly Schuna
FWJ readers, you’re all in for quite a treat because today is my lucky day! After my recent lobotomy I decided that writing for a lot of moola is overrated, and I just found a client that completely agrees with me! I thought it would take months to track someone down who thought it was OK to pay writers next to nothing, but you’d never believe it—instead, I had my pick of the litter!
Because I am just beside myself with excitement about this recent deal, I’m sharing my contract with all of you so that we can celebrate together! I’m still pinching myself after landing this absolutely unbelievable deal. Word for word, here it is:
WORK-FOR-HIRE SERVICE AGREEMENT
Between Candidate #4 (who will hereafter be referred to as “Contractor”)
and 2Good2BTrue Media
2Good2BTrue Media requires that Contractor perform the following services: write 500 articles per day, seven (7) days per week, 365 days per year. Each article will adhere to the following stipulations:
• must be rehashed content that is disguised as something new and original,
• must be a minimum of 1000 words,
• must be something no one really wants to read,
• must be fully researched with expert backup sources.
In return for services rendered, 2Good2BTrue Media will provide Contractor with the following:
• Ten (10) dollars per day (0.02 dollars per article), payable as found in spare change discovered in 2Good2BTrue Media’s couch cushions.
In addition, 2Good2BTrue Media will provide Contractor with the following upon Contractor’s immediate request:
• health, dental, vision, flood, disaster, car, homeowner’s, and mental health insurance,
• the ability to travel back in time at will to complete irrational deadlines,
• Dilly Bars when seasonally applicable.
Rush Fee. If at any time 2Good2BTrue Media makes a special request for the services designated above in five (5) minutes or sooner, Contractor agrees to complete the services in exchange for the normal ten (10) dollars plus the following compensation:
• psychic ninja powers.
This contract between Contractor and 2Good2BTrue Media is legally binding and may not be canceled for any reason. Contractor is legally obligated to perform the services designated above for 2Good2BTrue Media until moment of Contractor’s death and continuing into Contractor’s afterlife (if Contractor believes in that sort of thing). If Contractor is Hindu or Buddhist, contract will be binding infinitely throughout all of Contractor’s future lives.