Can you write a coherent sentence? Can you make that sentence funny?
If so, this may be the quick, relatively easy, potentially lucrative ‘writing gig’ for you! (Funny folks who could use a few bucks without leaving your desk – we’re talking to you!)
What we need: 50 lines (each ‘line’ should be one sentence, or two or more short sentences), each of which is a variation on the theme described below. Take a look at our examples (but try to do better!).
What we pay: $10 for 50 lines. If we like what you’ve written, and you feel like writing more, we’ll happily accept multiple submissions (and pay you for each as they come in). We’ll also be putting up similar ‘assignments’ over the next few days, if this works out.
NOTE: YOU MUST HAVE A PAYPAL ACCOUNT TO GET PAID! If you don’t have one, get one – they’re free and easy to use. [Yes, we know ‘Writers Hate Paypal’ – but there’s just no easier way to pay people for work submitted by email. Part of the reason we’re only buying 50 lines at a time is so you can get paid for each small increment of work and be sure we’re legit.]
How it works: Send us three sample lines (one in each of the ‘degrees of harshness’ listed below), so we know you can write a (good, clear, funny) sentence. We’ll email you back to request 47 more. When we get your 50 lines, we’ll PayPal you $10. If we particularly like your work, we may offer you additional assignments, if you’re interested.
If you want to write more than 50 lines, please submit one set of 50 first. That’ll give us a chance to make sure what you’re writing is the sort of stuff we need. And we’ll pay you for your initial work before you do any more, which is always a plus.
Thanks, and happy writing!
Theme for this assignment:
It’s pretty much just one line describing a breaking-up-couple’s time together. As best you can, please try to keep the lines open enough to apply to a relationship of a few days or a few years (see the samples, below – note that [times] will be plural – hours, days, weeks, months, etc.)
Please try to write 17 lines in each of the following ‘degrees of harshness’ (well, only 16 lines in one category – you choose which one):
It’s ALL my fault!
It’s a mutual thing…
Go to hell!
The lines should apply to as wide a range of people as possible – and be funny.
Language requirement: no ‘dirty’ language – “hell” or “damn” are about the extent of it.
It’s All My Fault!:
Our [times] together have been special. Too special. I can’t handle that much special.
You really must be sick of me after these past [times]. I mean, who wouldn’t be?
Our [times] together have been the best of my life…and clearly the worst of yours.
It’s a mutual thing…:
It’s not that our [times] together have been a waste. It just seems like it’d be a waste to spend any more time together in the future.
We’ve had these [times] to get to know each another. Doesn’t seem like we’re ever going to like each other any more than this.
We’ve had these [times] together. Seems like we should spend the next few [times] a lot less together.
Go to hell!:
On the plus side, I’m expecting the Devil to subtract our [times] together from my stay in Hell.
Our [times] together have been like suffering through the Ebola virus, except without the eventual release of massive organ failure.
Apparently, it takes just this many [times] to figure out what a loser you are.
That’s pretty much it. Please send us three sample lines before you take a crack at the rest. We’ll get back to you to request 47 additional lines. So long as they aren’t total nonsense, we’ll Paypal you $10 for the 50 lines.
NOTES: (IMPORTANT – READ THIS STUFF)
1. YOU MUST HAVE A PAYPAL ACCOUNT TO GET PAID! Unless you want to swing by our office in Manhattan…but that seems pretty inconvenient.
2. Legal Stuff: The lines you write for us constitute a ‘work made for hire,’ as described in the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976 (see 17 U.S.C. sec. 101). We’ll be using them for our various media projects, so what we’re paying you for are all rights in the work. Also, we need you to certify that what you write is your own original work, and not something that you found, say, somewhere on the Internet, or in your roommate’s love letters, or wherever. By accepting payment from us, you agree to the terms outlined above.
3. Who we are: Confederated Noodles is a small media start-up. We develop web and other content, and we’re outsourcing a fair amount of creative work. If you’re a hell of a comedy writer (or a hell of a C/PHP/Xcode programmer), watch here and on Craigslist for various assignments to come!
4. Our email address: [email protected]