Ridiculous Freelance Ad of the Week

It’s time to share the Ridiculous Freelance Ad of the Week.  Let me tell you, I came across some doozies.  In fact, I’ll have to save some of them for later, since I had to copy and paste them because they were too asinine to simply ignore altogether.  I won’t tell you specifically where I’m finding these, but let’s just say that there are probably more of these kinds of ads than decent ones there.  It’s a little frustrating when you’re looking for gigs, but it’s a goldmine when you like to point out potential employer stupidity on your blog.

Today’s ad looks pretty good, actually, until you get to the very bottom:

Winning bidder will write an ebook on various methods of marketing to drive LOCAL traffic to local church squeeze page/list opt-in page to receive a free offer. Target market: churches.

You will include strategies, with some step-by-step, for using craigslist, newspaper classifieds, direct mail and the like. You will also provide some suggested sample ad copy that they might use for each. Thus, some marketing experience will bode well in your favor for this job. You must do the research as well as the writing.

The ebook will be no more than 30 pages, no less than 25 pages, font no larger than 12 pt Arial, double-spaced lines, margins no larger than 1″ on all sides. 30 pages does not include title page, table of contents and other backmatter.

Your work needs to be HIGH quality and content rich, no fluff.

You need to have exceptional skills in English grammar, punctuation, spelling and structure.

Applicants must:
1. Have an excellent command of the written English language
2. Complete work in a timely manner
3. Good research skills
4. Experience in marketing writing is highly favorable; note it in your bid if it is the case for you
5. Good Microsoft Word skills
6. Have access to IM services such as Skype or Google Talk

Please send samples of your writing (x2) Please note: all samples given must be ORIGINAL.

This is a ghostwriting job. We will retain all copyrights to final deliverable.

This project is due within 4 days of awarding.

So, did you catch that?  Basically, this ad says, “I would like you to research and write this 25 to 30 page information product with samples from numerous outlets…Oh, and you get a whole four days to do it.”  Four days?  Four days!  Four days?  I’d say something witty here, but I can’t get past those two words.

I mean, even if you didn’t happen to have anything else going on, who could put together a decently researched 30-page report in four days?  (Other than a No-Doze swilling college student with graduation on the line, that is.)

People are crazy, I tell you.